ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
