Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
