I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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