What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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