I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize