On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want her autograph on my taint
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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