Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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