I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
