it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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