im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
