I faked an abortion last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
