Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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