I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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