I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
