I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
