my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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