Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
