I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
