I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
