Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
