There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
