she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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