My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
