Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
