please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
