If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize