How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
