Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
