I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
