hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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