This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
