Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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