if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
