When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
