Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
