so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
