I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
