Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
