I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just tell him i said nine months
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
