guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
