Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
