Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize