let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i have two assholes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
