i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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