i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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