he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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