I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
