Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
