Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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