so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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