If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
