I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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