I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
