What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
