Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
