okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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