Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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