You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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