My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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