when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
