My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
